Pondering and Contemplating

There is a moment, in most of our lives, when our world begins to feel less like a friendly playground, and more like hostile territory.  A moment when, who we naturally are, is no longer enough.  My moment happened  in Jr High, following a boy's sleepover, when word got out that I had orchestrated an innocent,  pre-pubescent game of “I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours”.

I can still clearly remember walking to first period gym class, hearing the jeers of my classmates, echoing through the hallway.   “Gay Boy!  Gay Boy! Here comes the Gay Boy!”   The entire day I moved from class to class, noticing the whispers and judgmental looks coming from my peers---wishing I could just drop off the face of the earth and never return to school again.  Suddenly, this free-spirited, open-hearted and creative child became a guarded, quieter and much more self-conscious adult who did everything in his power to “fit in”, not stand out, or draw too much attention to himself.  

I somehow believed that if I dimmed my light and “went with the flow” I would be able to safely navigate the game-of-life without accumulating too many battle scars.  Little did I know that nearly everyone else was “playing the same angle”. And despite what it looked like on the outside, even those who seemed to crave the spotlight or came across with lots of Bravado, were actually being driven by their own fears, insecurities and the need for love.  

When we look at what is playing out on the world stage today we might become dis-heartened by what we see.  From the outside it looks like there has never been more turmoil, division and strife.  Finding peace might be the furthest possibility from our minds.  But I can share from my personal experience that outer circumstances inevitably lead to inner shifts in consciousness.  First comes a breakdown, and then a breakthrough.  Our collective, egoic charade, is lovingly being “shaken” so that we can get back to who we truly are at our core.  Loving, infinite beings. We have all been playing roles and wearing masks that are in-authentic to us.  We have all been trying to control our outer world in an attempt to feel safe and find peace.  

But peace will never arrive from outside ourselves.  It can only be accessed within.  No amount of prosperity, success, romance, or power can ever provide the peace we are longing for. Love is our natural state of being.  Open-heartedness, Honesty, and Vulnerability is our natural state of being.  Everything else is in-authentic. The future of our world depends on our courage to finally source our peace from the inside rather than demanding it from the outside. 

And how do we do that? By relaxing our grip on reality and returning to a place of inner stillness.  By accepting every aspect of ourself and acknowledging the fears that are unconsciously running us.  By fully embracing the human experience without judgement, shame or guilt.  It is only by loving every aspect of ourself that we will finally be able to love each other.  And in doing so, we will know peace.

Transformation is not a process of “improving ourselves” it is the process of letting go of “all that is false”. When we stop trying to “be somebody” and realize that we are already “everything”, we are free.  As little children we never questioned  who we naturally were. We understood we were  loved and accepted just the way we were.  Nothing to change.  Nothing to fix.  Nothing to improve.  Remembering this truth allows us  to access the infinite peace, love and joy that is available to us  in every moment.